this is where i hideout

Let's start by saying I had a rough week. It seems sometimes that there is so much going on around me that I can't take it all in. There are too many things to accomplish in too little time. I have trouble staying focused. My brain has been running in a million different directions, all of which are worthy of some time and effort, yet impossible to satisfy simultaneously. The world is such a big place. I think it is unfair that we are confined to one specific setting at any given time. Alas, life is not fair. This I have come to realize, accept, and even be grateful for. Because if life were fair, we would most certainly be doomed.

I have absolutely no idea if there is a specific topic to this post. I just find myself overwhelmed with things of this world: money, time, circumstance, business, information, politics, automobiles. Then I realize, there is no need for me to be overwhelmed. These things are not what really matters. Why can't I keep my eyes on Jesus and let everything else fall into place? Why do I feel like I have to be so in control of everything that happens to me? Why do I not take more time to see the beauty in everything around me?

It all comes down to priorities really. My priorities are all messed up. I'm thinking about how I'm going to pay the bills for this month. I'm worried about fixing up my car so I can sell it and pay off my stupid credit cards. I'm anxious to get going on my career and start building a contact list and meeting people working in the industry. I want to find a business loan and build my studio already. I'm looking forward to getting this band idea off the ground. I need to go grocery shopping soon. I need to spend more time in prayer. I have to start letting Christ have every minute of my day. I want to start being a friend to those who need a friend. I need to realize that God loves me and will provide just like He says He will. Why do I have such a hard time with that? He's proven Himself to me time and time again and still I doubt Him.

I think now is a time of testing for me. I think He wants to see if I have what it takes to be a servant. Damn I hate learning lessons! I always try to avoid praying that God will teach me things cause it usually means pain. (not really but you get the idea) I'm planning on doing some crazy things this month. I think I'm going to try and trust Him to provide for me and see what happens. It seems like such a simple idea but for some reason it goes against every part of my being. I think I'm going to try to let God out of the box I made for Him.