Well, I had an interesting experience just now. Believe it or not, I cried. Yep, for the first time in oh probably ten years. I guess I have alot of emotion in me that needed an escape route. It was a combination of things that brought it on; for starters I was talking to my wonderful sister on the phone and I was realizing how much I love my family, and how much I miss them. I wish I could have had more time to spend with them when I lived at home. Now it seems like I will never have that chance again. It's true that you don't know what you've got till it's gone.
I think I may be overly stressed out right now. All this worry about finding a decent paying job, paying off stupid debts, getting my life to the place that I want it to be. I wrote yesterday that I'm not too disappointed in myself, that I could see good things ahead. Well it's true, I can see good things ahead, but I'm still very disappointed in myself. I'm not even close to where I want to be. Why can't I ever get a break? What good is supposed to come of this? I don't know, I just feel like an idiot cause I'm not doing what I need to be doing.
I need to get away. I wish that all my financial trouble would be resolved miraculously so I could take a road trip. I'd love to get dropped of somewhere in the middle of the rockies and see if I could find my way home. And I'd like to go to Nepal and hike up to the Mt. Everest base camp. I need to relax, somehow. Lord, please help me to relax.
Ok well that's enough dumping for now. Thank God for blogging, even if no one reads this, it's good to get it out.
posted by matty at 10:07 p.m.
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